Workshop of Flyingfiremans Proposal Rough Draft

Proposal Essay Workshop Questions
Thesis:

1. Restate the thesis in your own words. If the thesis is a question and not an assertion, make it an assertion. Make sure the words “although” and "because" are in it.
Although hiring Air Force trained firefighters may be a better short term solution for Clear Fire Department in finding employees, they would benefit from hiring out of the local community instead and training internally. This would lower turnover and increase a localized skill set specific to an arctic environment.


2. Does the thesis propose a solution to a problem stated in the introductory paragraph (it should!)? Is it at the end of the first paragraph?
Yes it does.


3. The thesis should follow this very basic formula: " X should do Y b/c of A, B, and C.” Does it?
Yes it does, but the third example doesn't make allot of sense until you read on into the paper.



Reasons:

List below the author's reasons for holding his or her position. Are they listed in the thesis, or in the body of the paper? They should be listed in the thesis, and expanded upon in the body of the paper.

1. Needing employees who aren't going to quit as soon as it gets chilly outside

2. Acquiring firefighters that are more prepared for fighting fires in the extreme interior winters

3. Provide a recruiting tool for surrounding volunteer fire stations.

Audience:

Who is the author's audience? It should be the Sun Star readers. Do they already agree with the author, or is the author writing to the opposition? How can you tell? Give specific examples.
I think that most readers would agree with the author, but a part of this is written to the state of Alaska regarding the rules and regulations. I think that the writer is writing to both agreers and disagreers.

Counterargument:

List the counterarguments (arguments of the author’s oppositions) used in the paper (there should be at least three). Does the author adequately address these arguments? Do you think there are other arguments that could be addressed? Do you see any logical fallacies?

Only found one counterargument.

1. Clear would be taking firefighters from other local fire departments.

I am not sure what other counterarguments you could use here though, this topic is pretty specific to firefighting and I don't know all that much about the internal workings of this. I think your proposal is mostly all positives as hiring out of the local community only makes sense here.

2.

3.


Title:

Does the paper have an interesting title? If not, help author come up with one.
I didn't see any title at all, but something like
Clear Fire Department, In Search of Good Firefighters
might be catchy.

Introduction:

Is there a catchy lead sentence? What is it? If there isn't one, what would you
The lead sentence is fine. I might use something where the statistics are buried a little deeper so that it doesn't look like its going to be a dry paper or something.

I liked it all overall though, and learned quite a bit about something I knew nothing about.